Wow. It’s been a long time. And extraordinarily long time. 252 days, to be exact. But now it’s time to come back. And so, here it goes. My first blog post in over nine months.
And naturally, it’s time to join up with the Five Minute Friday crew, for my first time back in quite a while.
Today’s Five Minute Friday prompt is “weak”:
In the last several months, I’ve felt so very weak. And yet, I’ve also felt strong. I know that doesn’t make sense, but that’s how it goes.
When you’re weak, you need people to help you find strength. And I’m so grateful to have an army of people who have lifted me up in prayer, offered words of encouragement, or who have simply been there when there has been nothing else to do. Shoulders to cry on and people to laugh with.
Friends. Family. Soon-to-be family. Acquaintances. And people I don’t even know.
People who have been with me physically or spiritually when I’ve been at my weakest. When I didn’t have the energy or strength to do anything.
Since I’ve lost my mom, there have been many days where I didn’t know how I would make it to bedtime. Mornings when I fight tears waking up, and wonder how I’ll make it through the day.
Somehow, on those days, someone carries me through. I’m reminded that I’m surrounded by countless people who care for me, and lift me up in ways I don’t even realize.
And I’ve felt the presence of Jesus even more clearly those days.
Through it all, the thing I’ve most realized is that though I’ve felt physically weak, I’ve also felt my soul strengthening. I’ve felt the love of Jesus more clearly. And my faith has grown stronger, despite extraordinary loss.
In my weakness, strength. Only by the grace of God.
For those of you who don’t know, I lost my mom to suicide on August 9th, 2016. I can’t begin to describe how this utterly unexpected tragedy has changed my life, nor adequately explain the depth of this loss. This is the first time I’ve written publicly since then, and honestly, I’m still processing everything. And though it’s been hard to write again, there’s also freedom in it.