31 Days · africa · Five Minute Friday

#write31days {Five Minute Friday: Dare}

I didn’t understand. I felt it belonged to me. I wanted it so bad. From the moment we heard of the committee in training, I knew I wanted to be on it. I knew I’d be perfect for it.

How dare they pick someone else?

The day I found out I didn’t make it, I sulked as I walked through the bushveld to school. I was really upset, bordering on tears, which in hindsight was ridiculous.

But at that moment, the failure felt so real. The rejection, so acute.

All I could do was pray, pouring out my heart to the Creator. Both ashamed and wanting affirmation.

And then He reached down from heaven and thunked me upside the head.

Kalahari Sunrise
Kalahari Sunrise

I saw the bigger picture. Here I was in Africa, living in a rural village, immersed in a vibrant culture. And I was worried about not being picked for the team.

He painted the sky with His promises of love and hope, filling the clouds in with stunning hues of purples, blues, and pinks, showing me how truly big He was.

And my mind flew from an angry-hurt-upset “How dare you?” to a different “How dare you?”

One steeped in wonder, that the God of the universe was listening to my anguish. That He would paint the sky to lift my spirits and affirm His love for me. That His love, His outrageous, unending love, found me in the bushveld.

And my tears of anguish turned to tears of joy and gratitude.

-Jen

As usual, I’m joining in with Five Minute Friday, with 100s of other bloggers who write for just five minutes, all on a common prompt. Unedited, unscripted. Kate’s our hostess, so head over to her place for all the fun!

#write31days
#write31days
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36 thoughts on “#write31days {Five Minute Friday: Dare}

  1. Simply lovely, my friend. I love those moments when God takes our sorrow or anger and turns it on it’s head. We wind up so full of love and wonder. Indeed, how dare He? Blessings!

    1. Isn’t it amazing? In that instant, everything changed. When His love poured out, I couldn’t stay upset. Truly incredible!

  2. This is beautiful, Jen! I’ve been in that place of pity-partying more often than I care to admit. This past week, actually. And every time, when I turn my eyes to Jesus, He humbles me with His love and grace. Thank you for being so vulnerable.

    1. It’s really easy to turn to a pity party, though they rarely makes us feel better or change anything. Praise the Lord when He steps in! *HUGS* for you, and prayers too!

  3. I’ve had those moments, too! And God thunks me upside the head with something beautiful–and a new attitude. I love that it’s ok to sulk (he still loves us), and that he always works with us.

    1. It’s amazing that He always, always, always still comes to us, even when we’re sulking or being a little…um…immature about things. But He brings a new perspective and changes the game!

  4. Oh, how I can empathize with both aspects of the “how dare you” – frustration at God, and then at myself! Beautifully written ❤

    Visiting from FMF — Sarah Jo

    1. It still boggles my mind how He reached out when I was being so petty and ungrateful. But He loves us. Truly, infinitely, in many more ways than we can imagine!

  5. Oh my friend… He dares to take risk and lead and guide us all the time and how every one of us have felt that missing out, that being skipped over, and how it stings – until hindsight kicks in and we can see His hand daring to guide us all along! Love this!

    1. Thank you Karrilee…you are an amazing encourager! Because when you’re going through something like this, it feels like you’re alone. And it’s embarrassing. But it’s also life.

      Praise Him for His grace, and for always reaching out!

  6. Jen, I have so been enjoying your series. It is amazing, and most humbling, to think that He dares to love me! That He even dares to continually work in my life to change me & mold me is something I am so moved by every time I think about it. I am so grateful He dares!

  7. Yes, don’t we get caught up in our own selves? One of the tactics I’ve learned in coping with depression is to look outward. For example, I’ll pray for someone else. Too much introspection is never good, and in my experience, God seldom speaks to me when I’m focusing on myself.

  8. Thank you for the reminder today, friend! That sulkiness can crop up in so many ways. I always have to check my attitude with the kids… sometimes I find myself so irritable and cranky with them… then I have to step back and remember that they are just kids, that I am super blessed to have them, and to cheer up a bit myself. Thank you for reminding me to look at the blessings.

    1. Thanks Abigail. I get the same way when I’m in the schools teaching for work, and I struggle to dig deep for the patience and grace!

  9. Oh, I’ve so been there. Mullygrubbing about some such, and then God just reaches down and knocks me upside the head! I have to say, though, that that African sunrise is some knock.

  10. This reminds me of that “Rafiki” moment from the Lion King. I think we all have one of those moments where we are sulking one second and God forces us to reconcile our blessings the next. God is good like that. Beautiful story FMFparty friend!

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