Faith · Word of the Year

Five Minute Friday: Release

It’s Five Minute Friday time, friends. Today’s word is: Release.

Go.

I held on so tightly, fists clenched and knuckles white. Holding on to the pain and confusion, refusing to lay it down though I couldn’t carry it anymore. My fingernails pressed into the palms of my hands, leaving half-moon shapes deep in the skin.

bare

Until that moment of surrender, when out of desperation I finally gave it up. 

My clenched fists released, and the burden slipped like smoke through my fingers. In that moment of release, forgiveness began. <-Click to Tweet

The path turned from desperation to healing, and I took my first tentative steps on the road towards hope and rebuilding faith that lay in shambles.

photo1 (11)

I left the church of my childhood during college, and I left bearing spiritual scars that seared deep from my years there. Instead of turning to Him, I felt ashamed. As if I was doing something wrong, or leading myself down the wrong road. In my confusion, I drew away from Him and allowed the hurt to grow.

But in truth, the community at that church was no longer healthy, and I shouldn’t have stayed there. It was no longer a place I could call a church home, and I left confused and hurt. I held onto that pain, pushing it aside and pretending it didn’t exist.

But when I finally released all the feelings of hurt, anger, and confusion, healing began. When I finally committed to forgiveness, I felt my heart begin to soften.

together

I began to see something new in my relationship with God. Something beautiful.

When I released it to Him, my soul began the long process of restoration and growth. <-Click to Tweet

Stop.

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo and the #FMFParty community. If you like to write, come join us. It’s a blog party where we write for five minutes only, pouring out our souls and holding back the inner editor.

Come join. I promise it’ll be fun!

-Jen

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19 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday: Release

  1. Linked up after you at FMF! Your header is so pretty 🙂 This is a beautiful, raw testimony. It’s so true, though, that it is the release that is actually the forgiveness. That only in the letting go can we truly move forward. I hope you’ve found a church home now that will heal those wounds and provide you fellowship and love.

    1. Thank you Lindsey! And yes, I have found a church…it’s been a long journey, but I’m finally on even ground again. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by!

  2. This touches a raw place in me, Jen, for I, too, left an unhealthy church environment a few years ago. It was incredibly painful and sometimes I’m surprised at the hurts that crop up. Thankfully, there are healthy churches! God be praised! Praying with and for you as you walk this journey!

    1. Marie, thank you. There’s been a whole lot of “stuff” that’s gone along with this, that I’m still sifting through. I’m sure you understand that. Thank you for the prayers and support, friend!

  3. Thanks for sharing- I liked your angle on the church since we don’t talk about that very often. But it’s good to talk about it and start some releasing and healing wherever there are spiritual scars. Hope you found a new church home where you can grow and live freely! Happy Friday to you!

    1. Yes, I’ve “not talked about it” for a long time, but part of the healing is learning to share. Thanks for coming by Katha, and I hope you have a wonderful Friday!

  4. You have such a wonderful way with words and the way your stories unfold is so affecting. This sounds like an incredibly difficult moment in your life, but your words render it with such grace it is like beauty from ashes.

    Beautiful, my friend. So beautiful.

  5. Jen, you have a lovely way of telling a story, and your truth shines through each word. I could feel your pain in this post and in your memories. I’m so glad you finally found release and grace out of this jumbled mess that humans had created for you. Absolutely beautiful post!

  6. Love this Jen. It’s amazing how powerful forgiveness is and how critical it is for our souls and hearts. I always say that forgiving someone that hurt us is not about what it does to them as to what it does within us. The other party may not deserve it but we deserve to be freed from the bondage an unforgiving heart tries to place upon our hearts.

  7. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I’m so glad that you found your faith again. Forgiving people can be hard sometimes, but it works healing if you do. Even if people don’t ask for forgivenes,the burden of your heart is by God and you are free.

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