It’s that time of week again, Five Minute Friday time. You know, when hundreds of bloggers gather together to write on one word, unscripted, for five minutes only. To join in on the fun, check out Lisa-Jo Baker’s blog.
Today’s word is:
Crowd…the in-crowd. Standing on the outside looking in.
The stereotypical feeling alone in a crowded room. Having my thoughts, worries, and obsessions crowd out the down-to-earth parts of me.
Worried about fitting into that ever elusive in-crowd.
I felt like this so often growing up. I was a nerd, undeniably so. More awkward than most of my awkward peers, always nervous of saying the wrong thing or making the wrong move. Painfully aware of my every action around those who weren’t my friends, exacerbating my awkwardness.
Nowadays, I don’t worry about that too much. Usually. My experiences in college and later on living in Africa have changed how I view myself in this world, and fitting in with the cool crowd isn’t important anymore. Most days. But, after all, I’m human, and I’m weak. Some days I let myself feel as if I’m once again standing outside the crowd, looking in hopefully.
I’ll be honest…sometimes I get caught up with this blog, worrying about whether I fit in, whether I’m popular enough, whether I’m in the in-crowd (for once). One glance at my stats tells me I’m not.
But that’s okay. This blog may be written by me, and it may be about my life experiences, but it’s about Him. I don’t need a large following to make an impact. I don’t need any crowd at all. Because these brief passages are as much for me as anyone else. Writing helps me to work out things, flesh out those things that are nudging at my soul, and allows me to see things from a different angle.
It’s a crowded place here, even on the days when it’s just me and Him, communicating through my writing.