It’s been awhile since I’ve posted, but I’ll have to talk about that later, as today is Friday, which means Five Minute Friday. New to this? Well, I’m writing with hundreds of other bloggers around the world for five minutes on a prompt from Lisa Jo Baker over at her blog. Since it’s been a while since I’ve joined in, I’m glad to be back.
Today I’m writing about…
I feel as disoriented, uncertain….as if the fights gone out of me. My life has been turned upside down, and I’ve literally moved a world away from my African home. Though I’m back with my loving friends and family, I feel the loss. Through a series of events, I went from being a Peace Corps Volunteer in South Africa to living in my parents house, dealing with medical issues and a confused brain, trying to process everything.
I had plans for what I would do after my stint in the Peace Corps. Travel, visit my family in Iowa, then head on to my new job. I knew what I was planning to do. But now I feel as if the ground beneath me has fallen away. I’m scrambling to put something together, desperately grasping at the pieces of my shattered reality.
I love being at home again, spending some much-missed family time around the woodfire stove. But I feel as if the fight has gone out of me. I’m not confident; I’m afraid. I’m afraid I can’t find that job, that new life. I miss my friends and work back in South Africa. I’ve had no time to prepare for being back in the States, and that leaves me exhausted when the time comes to fight. And I don’t know what the Lord has planned for me.
This period is a test of my faith. I don’t like it. It’s hard. I’d rather have time to plan and prepare, to know what I’m doing and what the Lord wants me to do. But instead, I feel as if I’m in a maze and can’t figure out the right path to take.
I’ve got to trust in His plan though, and that He will reveal it to me when the time is right.